A small child sits in a darkened corner, her frail body quivering with absolute fear. She has no choice but to hear the deep resonating male tones that were so loud even their echo made the fibro walls tremble.
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But as loud as they were, they couldn’t disguise the softer sounds of her mother whimpering and pleading from across the room.
The child didn’t have to watch to know the sounds that followed dealt yet further marks upon the already bruised and battered body of her mother.
She scrunched her tiny body into an even tighter ball, pressing her back harder up against the wall, closing her eyes tightly in a fruitless effort to block out the sickening sounds.
And she prayed. Not specifically to God, or in fact any type of religion, as that didn’t exist for her, but prayed or begged for anyone who might hear her thoughts to come save her, to save her mother, knowing all the while that the faint glimmer of hope she held was pointless.
No one would come. There would be no help.
Instead, she pushed her back so hard up against the wall it became painful, and she wished the wall would just open up and swallow her whole.
For a child in this situation, more harm has already been done to her, than if she was the one receiving the bruises.
Living in a family where a parent is being abused has significant traumatic effects on children.
Even when they do not observe the violence, children are usually aware that it is occurring.
They are alert to the obvious tensions, fears and distress in their parents.
Their home, instead of being a place of security, is characterised by cruelty and fear. The longer the situation goes on the harder it is to undo its damaging effects on children’s development.
More than one million Australian children are currently affected by domestic violence.
Domestic violence, often called family violence, can include physical, verbal, sexual or emotional abuse. Children who witness regular acts of violence have greater emotional and behavioural problems than other children. Even the very young children can be profoundly frightened and affected.
Contrary to popular belief, witnessing episodes of violence between people they love can affect young children as much as if they were the victims of violence.
A child growing up in an abusive household learns to solve their problems using violence, rather than through more peaceful means.
Some of the long-term effects may include copying their parental role models and behaving in the same destructive ways in their later adult relationships.
Children may learn that it is acceptable to behave in a degrading way to other people, as they have seen this occur in the violent episodes they witnessed.
The domestic violence effects are not always obvious to their parents, let alone outsiders in the community.
Children exposed to domestic violence in the home may exhibit a range of internalising and externalising emotional and behavioural problems.
Bearing in mind, that a child exhibiting these behaviours doesn’t automatically confirm that the problems stem from domestic violence in the home, but may explain why the child might be this way.
It can seriously damage their independence, their self worth, and their sociability.
Their physical and emotional wellbeing is also influenced.
They may suffer anxiety, depression, anger, and low self esteem.
They may constantly suffer from psychosomatic illness including headaches, asthma, abdominal complaints, or stuttering.
They may display aggressive behaviours, over control of others or adversely be withdrawn.
Some children become clingy, or revert back to bedwetting, and most have feelings of fear and distrust, particularly in adults.
Eldest children or only children sometimes take on over responsible behaviours- many children feel so responsible for their mothers safety that they adjust their own lives to protect their mother.
It is also difficult for children to focus on what is happening in the classroom if they are worried about their mother, and if they have been kept awake all night by yelling and screaming.
This results in decreased cognitive ability and poor academic performance, leading to learning disabilities.
The majority of children have difficulties in maintaining any sort of healthy relationships and their peer social skills are obviously lacking, often resorting to the use of violence to resolve conflict.
As the children get older, more threatening behaviour becomes evident. They may display or pent up feelings of anger and hatred towards adults, particularly their parents, have thoughts of revenge, and only identify with violent behaviours. So either they become a threat to society and their family, or they become an easy target to predatory criminals.
These children tend to have low self esteem, don’t like being touched or become overly affectionate which can lead to promiscuity at an early age, unable to form stable relationships, become uneducated which only add to their feelings of poor self worth, eating disorders, alcohol and drug abuse, life of crime, depression and suicidal thoughts.
Children need consistency and predictability in their lives. Often they are unable to rely on their basic needs being met. They also can never be sure of what they will be facing in their homes, or when there is likely to be an explosion of violence.
Often, the parents either cant, or wont, break the cycle of violence for children, so it is up to us as a community to recognise the signs, support and do all we can to prevent further hurt and pain to the real victims of domestic Violence
Many people can play a role in making the children feel safer; mothers, fathers, extended family, police, support agencies, neighbours, schools and the community as a whole. The first step is to recognise the signs. The second is to report it.
Between January 2013 and June 2013 there have been 185 domestics reported to Young Police so far. More than 75 percent of these have or had children in the home (statistics by Cootamundra Local Area Command Domestic Violence Office 2013).
So if you recognise signs of domestic violence in your home, but refuse to leave as you believe by doing so your children will be disadvantaged without both parents, just ask yourself; Do I want this kind of relationship for my children when they grow up? Is my life a happy one? Would my son or daughter be happy in similar relationships? Or if you think you would find it too hard to raise the children on your own? What is really best for your children. You will be able to take care of your children, even more so without the emotional roller coaster and there are many services in town that can assist you. There is help.
If a child tries to ask you for help, stop. Take the time to listen. And report it. Domestic violence in all its forms is unacceptable. We need to speak up for those who cant.
