Tales of the Unexpected: Secrets of the Hand, SBS One, 8.30pm

Is purporting to be able to tell the future by looking at someone's palm ''just superstition or … is there a core of genuine hard science?'' asks the narrator at the beginning of this show. The short answer to the science part is, of course, no. The slightly longer answer is that palmistry is, in fact, utter bollocks that appeals only to the gullible. However, going with a statement of the bleedingly obvious so early in the piece wouldn't fill an hour of TV so we end up with this mishmash of science, ''experiments'' and rubbish. Eight people are recruited, each of whom has some identifiable condition. There's a guy with schizophrenia, a woman who has had cancer, a young bloke with Down syndrome, etc. Various ''experts'', including a palmist and ''holistic healer'' (and if that doesn't set your alarm bells ringing, you're either not paying attention or the owner of a lot of tie-dyed clothing and scented candles) are then challenged to figure out who's got what from viewing a palm print. As a scientific experiment this has the same rigour as chanting ''he loves me, he loves me not'' while plucking petals to select an appropriate mate. This nonsense is mixed in with some genuine science - the state of someone's hands can be used to diagnose a limited number of diseases. The result, which is confused, silly and dangerous, only proves the plural of anecdote can never be evidence.

Stand Up @ Bella Union, SBS2, 8.55pm

I still reckon the premise here is flawed: talking to a comedian about their comedy is just not interesting. Chas Licciardello does a reasonable job in chatting to Dan Ilic who, in turn, seems like a nice enough bloke, but what you want from a comic is laughs, not introspection and analysis. Luckily, this show is saved by the live performances which, although patchy, are entertaining enough.

Jack Irish: Dead Point, ABC One, 8.30pm: ABC1

Jack's back in this latest adaptation of Peter Temple's engaging novels. This time it's the 2000 thriller Dead Point, starring Barry Humphries as the judge at the centre of the tangled web that inevitably unfolds around Guy Pearce as the eponymous Jack Irish. There's much to like in this third run and Pearce seems to be settling well into the role of the chaotic but likeable Jack.

NICK GALVIN

PAY TV

Da Vinci's Demons, FX, 8.30pm

Things you didn't know about Leonardo da Vinci: he led a small slave rebellion and sailed to the Americas in search of a book of ancient wisdom, hitting upon a heliocentric theory of the universe along the way. Things you didn't know about Pope Sixtus IV: he was an imposter who kept the real pope locked in a dungeon. Things you didn't know about Lorenzo de' Medici: he spoke almost exclusively in plot recaps, as did almost everyone else in 15th-century Italy. Well, that's what Da Vinci's Demons would have us believe. The series might be aiming for Game of Thrones-meets--Indiana Jones, but it's caught halfway between The Borgias and a cartoon Batman. The biggest bummer about tonight's ep is that the rogue Zoroaster (Gregg Chillin) gets little to do apart from wringing his hands about how da Vinci (Tom Riley) will get them killed trying to cross the Atlantic.

Tattoo Rescue, TLC, 8.30pm

Another fine episode of a surprisingly involving series. Tonight tattoo guru Joey Tattoo heads to a violent New Jersey neighbourhood where award-winning tattoo artist Tone looks like going out of business on account of unlicensed ''scratchers'' who do cheap and shoddy tattoos at home, his own lack of business nous and, perhaps, his shop's terrible hygiene.

BRAD NEWSOME

MOVIES

Thunderbirds (2004), 7Mate, 7pm

Few thought turning television's beloved puppet-animation series Thunderbirds into a movie with real actors was a good idea. They were right. The klutziness of the puppets, the wobbling sets and dangling wires made this 1965 show a classic, not only for children but also for adults still in love with model trains.

Working Title, the British powerhouse behind Love, Actually and many other hits, bizarrely thought it was a cool idea to turn the good guys into heavily accented Americans and the bad ones into British. But the unwisest decision was to try to cash in on the then Spy Kids phenomenon by making children the heroes. A precious cultural icon is reduced to a pale imitation of itself.

Get Him to the Greek (2010), 7Mate, 9pm

In 2008, after famously traumatising a 78-year-old man by publicly revealing he had slept with his granddaughter, Russell Brand set his sights on the cinema.

He had earlier appeared in the dire St Trinian's, but far worse was to come. Like Steve Martin, who was inexplicably allowed to make a second Pink Panther movie, Brand was given another chance.

All those articles that kept claiming his film career was finished proved false. And then Brand experienced a sudden media spike by marrying Katy Perry. A year later, he made Get Him to the Greek. Director Nicholas Stoller had a hit with Forgetting Sarah Marshall, which co-starred Brand as rock star named Aldous Snow, and decided to follow it with this spinoff about the out-of-control Snow's needing to be escorted to London for a gig. Drugs and slapstick make that difficult.

This is a typical ''high-concept'' film whose fragile essence can be elucidated in a sentence, and where everything that happens is as predictable as you feared.

Jonah Hill (whose cinema track record occasionally rivals Brand's) co-stars, as does Australia's Rose Byrne.

Yet again, she is the precious bloom in an ugly garden.

SCOTT MURRAY